Woody Allen

Woody Allen is an American film director, writer, actor, and comedian.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Can we actually know the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.