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For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
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Johnny Carson
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ’Are your ready?’